One of the most critical jobs for a new parent is to give their new-born a name. The child will be saddled with that name for the rest of its life so you’d like to think that parents would tread carefully. You’d like to think that they wouldn’t pick something that would subject their offspring to a life-time of ridicule and micky-taking.
For example, my sister – her married name was Mills – named her son Anthony. Thankfully, for him, she ignored my pleas to name him “Cotton Mills” or “Dark Satanic Mills”.
Here are a few examples of a complete lack of parental forethought when it comes to naming offspring.
Julia Caesar – this is the name that inspired this article. I was watching BBC breakfast the other day when a new correspondent – she was new to me, at least – appeared on the screen. At the end of the piece she wrapped up with something like “This is Julia Ceaser, reporting live from < I can’t remember where >” – I really wish she’d been reporting from Rome. What on earth were her parents thinking?
James Bond – my son is a school teacher. I was telling him about the premise of this blog the other day. He simply nodded knowingly and said “yeah, there’s a kid in one of my classes called James Bond”. Why would they put the poor kid through that?
Paige Turner – I don’t personally know anyone called Paige Turner but whilst researching this piece (yes, I do sometimes do some research) I stumbled across a famous novelist (although, I’d never heard of her) called Paige Turner. You really couldn’t make it up.
Sue Yoo – like Paige Turner’s parents, Sue Yoo’s mum and dad couldn’t possibly have known at the time of her birth that she would grow up to have a successful career in Hong Kong as – yep, you’ve guessed it – a lawyer!
Richard Cox – Richard wasn’t famous. He was the grandfather of a bloke I know from my regular pub, the Queen Anne. His name is Ronnie. His surname is Cox. He acknowledges that, if Richard Cox wasn’t a bad enough name to be lumbered with, his grandad was universally known as Dick Cox. Fnarr-fnarr
See you in the Registrar’s office – Griff
