For those of you who don’t know, I happen to live in the Makerfield constituency, where last night’s by-election took place. The last few weeks, and especially the last dew days, have been a bit bizarre. Here’s a special extended 8-4-Friday to mark the experience.
• BBC’s Question Time being broadcast from a local college and me and my lad spending the entire programme saying “ooh, I know him” and “Oh, that’s old whatshername from that shop” and “oh shit, please stop talking now, you’re embarrassing”.
• A reform Councillor posing with a placard saying they’d rather vote for Jimmy Savile than Labour. Classy!
• A journo in (one of my) local pubs interrupting my viewing of the rugby league Challenge Cup final to ask me if I have any dirt on Andy Burnham’s wife.
• Nigel Farage giving an interview in (another of my) local pubs and making out that he knows what Wiganers are all about.
• A regular from one of my ex-local pubs completing an interview by the BBC in the middle of Ashton in the time it took for the traffic lights to turn back to green, presumably because the interviewer realised he was flogging a dead horse because the lad’s not very interesting
• Reform deputy leader Richard Tice aimlessly wandering all alone along Golborne Road at the top of my estate on election day. Judging by the lies and bullshit he’s spouting right now as I watch him on BBC news the following morning, he’ll probably deny it ever happened.
• Burnham’s official victory photograph having the house across the road from mine in the background – implying that his cheeky bastard photographer was standing on my drive!
• Hugh Grant rocking up in Stubshaw Cross Labour Club on a random Wednesday afternoon.
If the above were my challenges in an episode of “Would I Lie To You”, I promise you I wouldn’t need a lie card. You couldn’t make it up! Can we all get back to normal now, please?
See you in Number 10 – Griff
