I love watching the golf on the tele. It’s not just the climax to a major tournament like the Masters or the Open that you can’t take your eyes off, even a mundane, run-of-the-mill European Tour tournament provides perfect background sound and vision. Then there’s the razzmatazz of LIV Golf and don’t even get me started on the eye-candy of the women’s golf (stop it Griff, you old perv!).
I love the Sky Sports golf coverage from start to finish. The extent of the coverage, the features, the player interviews, the engaging nature of the commentaries and the expert knowledge of the punditry is second to none.
However, some nauseating terms and phrases have crept in to their coverage lately and it’s starting to get on my nerves. If you’re not a golfer, these five examples will mean nothing to you. Still, it’s my blog, so if it ain’t your thing, just scroll past and wait until next week’s 54Friday about modern-day pub etiquette.
Here we go…
Flatstick – a ridiculously pointless alternative word for putter. Putter has been perfectly acceptable since 1754. And half the field uses a mallet putter these days so they aren’t flat, anyway!
Property – “Rory McIlroy has arrived on the property”. Not one golfer I know refers to the golf club or the golf course as the “property”.
“Hey Griff, we’re due to tee off in 15 minutes, where are you?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be on the property in 5 minutes”. What a load of old bollocks!
On The Number – “That shot was on the number” means the golfer hit the ball exactly the right target distance that he/she and the caddie had calculated. What’s wrong with “That was bob on that, lad/lass. Good shot” has worked perfectly well since Jack Nicklaus was a lad.
Don’t give the hole away – this means you should aim your putt so the target line stays inside the edge of the cup. WTF is that all about? Just say “it don’t break much pal, rattle it straight at it”?
Into the hurt – this is a Wayne Riley special. It means into the wind. He used to always say “into the draught” which was bad enough,, now he constantly uses the piece of nonsensical wordsmithery instead. Cut it out, Radar!
See you on the property – Griff
