They reckon that everyone has a doppleganger, somebody out there in the big bad world who is identical to them in physical appearance, their spitting image if you like. On one of the Wigan Athletic message forums the other day a poster posed the question “Which footballer do you most look like?” Inevitably, those who hide anonymously behind their internet persona considered themselves the double of Cristiano Ronaldo, David Ginola and other (allegedly) good looking footballers. Those of us who are known personally to other members of the forum had to be a bit more honest.
The thread got me thinking about people – real or otherwise – that I have been likened to over the years. I have to say that I don’t consider any of it to be particularly complimentary, but here goes.
Colin Greenall – there was always much hilarity amongst my match-going chums whenever Colin ran out to play for Wigan. An uncompromising, yet elegant centre-half himself, we had much in common. In fact, many times we were compared as footballers. People would often say “Griff, compared to that Colin Greenall, you’re shit!” Well, OK then, maybe he was a bit better than me. And maybe we do look alike. A bit.
Michael Chiklis – I once walked into a deli in Norfolk, Virginia to be greeted by the waitress’s high-pitched whining shriek of “Oh my God, it’s Michael Chiklis!! You are him, right?” Realising she meant me, I had to confess I’d never heard of him. “Oh my God, he’s dreamy and you look soooo like him!”. This was probably a scam to get me to tip more – which worked – but I was less happy when I got back to the office and googled The Shield and found the fat-faced freak. Suffice to say, the waitress didn’t get tipped the following day.
Dr Evil – Again, a tad harsh, I feel. It seems that anyone with a shaved head is fair game when it comes to being my look-a-like. What makes this one particularly hard to take is that it was Alex, my son and heir, that gleefully pointed out the resemblance whilst watching an Austin Powers film the other day. Betrayed, stabbed in the heart by my own flesh and blood, hitherto my strongest and most loyal ally.
Alexander Litvinenko – It is fairly hard to deny this one, though before he was riddled with radiation I am led to believe that the poor lad looked nothing like this and actually had a full head of hair and rugged good looks. I don’t suppose the fact that people all over Wigan were saying “Oooh, doesn’t that dying Russian bloke look just like Griff?” did much for his death-bed demeanour either. If truth be told, I was quite pleased to be compared to someone with so much colour in his cheeks. I’d never looked so healthy. Pity the same couldn’t be said for poor old Alexander.
Matt Lucas – Again, it gives me no great pleasure to have to accept there is a likeness here. However, a man could get positively paranoid, even anorexic, if he believed he was as weighty (not fat, just weighty) as others obviously perceive him to be. The first night I played football with the Thursday Night Football crew coincided with the tragic suicide of Lucas’s partner. Benno, who I had never clapped eyes on before, came over to introduce himself with the immortal line – “Welcome to Thursday night football Griff, pleased to meet you. Oh, and I’m very sorry to hear about your boyfriend.”
So, that’s my five. Other dishonourable mentions that have been thrown at me down the years are Fred Elliot from Coronation Street, Wallace from Wallace and Gromit, Christopher Lloyd as Uncle Fester and Brad Pitt. Sorry, did I say Brad Pitt? I’m probably getting him mixed up with somebody else. Somebody bald. And fat.
Come on, what say you?
Have a great weekend – Griff